[Knowing His Voice]

{Call me out}

As I shared a few weeks ago, once classes ended we start working at service sites. Last Wednesday was when we had finally finished visiting all of them so we had to make our choices by that Friday. Now I'm a very indecisive person and I really hate making decisions that can possibly be life altering. I was stuck in between two service sites that I wanted to work at, RivLife and Walk in the Light. (Check out my other blog post for their description) I was honestly leaning more toward RivLife, but I didn't quite have the mind to sign up for it just yet. Walk in the Light, I knew was a rather selfish choice because I mainly wanted to go because of the other students that had signed up. I thought it would have been an awesome experience getting the opportunity to be able to work along side all of them and share the struggles and joys that would come with serving. Walk in the Light was definitely going to be my second choice if I didn't get RivLife. 

Last Thursday night, during D-group, I shared my frustration over making this decision and explained where my heart was and how nervous I was because I had to have my decision by the next day and I was no where close to choosing. So I boldly said, without expectation, watch God give me a dream about it tonight. We all laughed. 

That night I had a dream. My dream was that I was working at Ethembeni. I was standing outside their bright blue building waiting on something, it was unclear. Then my dream retracted. I was standing in line to sign up for my service site in the dining room. I remember distinctly seeing some of the nurses from my D-group signing up for Ethembeni. I thought to myself, while watching them, why isn't there an option for RivLife? Then I woke up.

The next morning at breakfast I sat a table with some girls and they all discussed their choices. They asked me what I was going to choose, I told them about my dream and how weird it was. I brushed it off and told them I think I'm going to choose RivLife. But instead of signing up for it after breakfast I went to straight to Biology. We had a guest speaker that day in class for the last half portion of the class. It was about 9:15 when I felt the caffeine begin to kick in from the Ceylon tea I was drinking. Except this time it was more intense, almost like a panic attack quite honestly. Then I felt the word Ethembeni come over me. The words "You're going to work at Ethembeni" kept repeating themselves over and over in my head. I started freaking out. I was looking around to see if anyone else was feeling as jumpy as I was. I sat there and thought, this is probably my subconscious playing some shit games on me. But in the moment I was trying to reject whatever it was that was coming over me telling me not follow my original plans, I instead said, if this is of you God, let it stay. Anything that is of me and my wants I rebuked.  Ethembeni did not leave my mind. 

So at teatime, I went a signed up for my service site. I walked to the dining room thinking what the hell am I doing. This isn't what I wanted. Are you sure God? Are you absolutely positive? The moment I wrote "Mpophomeni" (which is the township I'll be working at) on the paper by my name, the biggest weight was lifted from my shoulders.

Even though my relationship with God is not the strongest and I literally still fight with Him about it. It's a strange feeling knowing He's still showing up even when I'm resistant. 

If you are at all interested here is the link to the organization if you would like to know more. If you keep updated with my blog you will soon be able to read the work I am doing first hand. I am really excited to start working there next Thursday. 

 http://www.ethembeni.co.za/about-us/

Peace be the journey