[Apprehensive] [Anxious] [Eager]

 { Suddenly I'm hit }

[Apprehensive] - 09/01/14

Monday morning I had my first pre-orientation meeting since being back on campus. It was the longest four hours of my life. Awkward "ice breaker" questions were given to us to so we could begin to acquaint ourselves with other students going on the trip. Up until that point I had felt pretty numb about the whole trip, it still didn't feel real. But the meeting brought some excitement because I felt like the trip was becoming a reality and not something I just knew was going to be happening. 

Followed after the long introductory meeting we had a "commissioning ceremony", typical APU. The program director (of South Africa), the director of study abroad programs, and one of the campus pastors all took their turns sharing their hearts and visions for us. They told us all how we were going to be changed on this trip, in fact that promised it. They told us we're doing something not many other students have the courage to do. They emphasized how much work Jesus is doing in the country of South Africa. They encouraged us to go in the name of Jesus; to be open to His work and to keep his name "on our tongues". I sat there listening blankly to them, realizing that this is not about to be an easy trip. What have I gotten myself into? I sat there thinking I didn't want any of that.

Leaving the ceremony I didn't know how to analyze all the information I had just been given all day. I literally went back to my friends apartment (which is where I have been crashing) and had an emotional break down. If I'm being completely honest, I didn't want to go. I cried for a couple hours trying to figure out how I needed to deal with this, because it was honestly too late to back out of this trip.

(I don't expect any of you to understand)

 [Anxious] - 09/02/14

Tuesday brought about refreshing reunions. After my mental breakdown the day before, I definitely felt A LOT better about leaving. I spent the day running into and catching up with friends. It was really nice. But as the day grew longer I began to feel the fear again. I can't even sit here and justify my anxiety to you. Like my life is about to change in 26 hours and 23 minutes. I am going with no expectations, I want to experience everything and make opinions myself without the influence of others. Go into things without expectations then nothing can disappoint you.

[Eager] - 09/03/14

1:00 am: So I can't sleep. This sucks. I leave my campus in 16 hours and 15 minutes. I remember when it said 113 days before I leave. It's really crazy how fast summer went by. I'm sitting my friends couch trying to be tired.
10:46 am: I have six hours and 29 minutes. It's actually happening. My morning has consisted of tiny freak outs, bursts of excitement, phone calls, and last minute packing.
I won't be documenting the rest of my day, but I leave at APU at 5:15 today and my flight from LAX is at 9:45 and I'll be flying to London to then catch a connecting flight to Johannesburg.

I will not have a phone, so do not call or text me. Obviously, if you're reading this you can contact me through facebook. But if you know me at all you know I really don't like facebook so I would prefer emails if anyone wants to get a hold of me for whatever reason. 

My email: hclifford12@apu.edu

I am so looking forward to sharing my adventure with you all while I'm abroad and when I return the states.

{ Peace be the journey }